I wish I never told anyone I worked or studied tech. Especially older family and friends, because their requests for help are relentless.
A lot of friends are chill with it, and I don’t mind doing a little bit of help, but sometimes people are who are OFFENDED when you don’t want to help. In the same way a contractor friend won’t remodel your home for free, I am not going to fix every single issue you have with your computer for free. I’m happy to give advice, but i’m not going to work for hours without pay to fix everything.
No one wants to ask a business analyst questions, because I just tell them what they are doing wrong and how to fix it
It’s not just tech shit. Basically, you should never let anyone know that you’re good at something. Ever. Because then you become the fixit person for that thing.
i see you’re good at disguise, could you help me get good at it?
No sorry I’m terribly busy
You say that, but I’ve been telling people for years how good I am at shitting into a bucket from the top of a twelve foot ladder and not one has ever asked me for help.
When people act like children, treat them as such. Patronize them and berate them while explaining how computers work on the most fundamental level. If they have the gall to talk back and insist they are not a child, then leave them high and dry to deal with their issues. Ideally you leave the fix halfway finished when this happens.
If they get mad continue telling them that they’re stupid for not learning how to use a machine a 10 year old child can use and do not treat them like adults until they begin to act like them.
Any occupation with significant technical skill gets this treatment, as do any occupations with any significant creative component.
So yes, if you’re in tech you get people begging you to work for free among your circle of family and friends. Same if you’re a doctor. A lawyer. An artist. A musician. Etc. etc. etc.
Smart people making use of such talents will pay, not necessarily in money but in other forms of currency ranging from “a six-pack” through trades of labour (“let me do your dishes while you look at my laptop”) through sometimes less tangible things like introducing you to their own circle of friends and such giving you an opportunity to broaden your network.
Dumb people demand aid and then get offended if you say “no”.
I’ve been using Linux as an out. “Oh you’re having a windows problem? I got rid of windows 10 years ago, so I can’t really help you with that”.
They know I worked at a computer shop so this wouldn’t work 😫
They know I worked at a computer shop so this wouldn’t work 😫
Are those people who would help you out with free professional help, if you needed? Because that’s what it is, in your case.
My mum just does not believe me when I say ‘I don’t know, I don’t use this software’. When I say I have no idea how to get word to do what she needs because I’ve used nothing but latex for close to ten years, clearly I’m just trying to get out of helping, right?
She’s not the only one, either. They always expect you to figure it out. Especially egregious: I didn’t customize my CV for a teaching job. It said I can code a bit. Guess who became the windows support for the older teachers?
She’s not the only one, either. They always expect you to figure it out.
I mean… they’re not wrong. If you’ve got the knack and they know it, there’s nothing you can do about it.
Solid.
Similar, I take another system I’m familiar with and use it as an excuse. I know how to program a Cisco router, but heck if I know what an iPhone is, I can’t use them at work. Virus? That’s what the help-desk is for. Look, I work with fax machines, telephones, and video conference systems. The platform I work on is so secure that if we mess with it at all, it disables and we have to have them sent back and pay a lot of money to get them fixed, and I’d lose my job.
Granted, if it’s something simple I’ll help, but I’m not about to troubleshoot aunt May’s login issues for Amazon from 300 miles away.
The best antidote against being asked tech questions is not to use standard tech 😄
- “Windows? No idea, but if you let me install linux on your computer I could help you out in the future”
- “iPhone? Sorry, got an Android. Can’t help you out.”
- “Printer? Nobody, not even Zeus can help you there…”
My out has been unfortunately true. I got into the corporate IT game. I really have no idea what’s going on in the consumer space if it’s not something I personally deal with.
Which means that when someone asks questions about getting a virus or how to do any little task, I tell them that normally I’d wipe and reimage without a second thought, or tell them to call the help desk.
More or less my response to anyone with an Apple computer.
I do the same thing but leverage networking instead of Linux.
“Sorry, I dont actually know much about computers, but let me know if you want advice about port trunking or configuring a VLAN”
See that’s dangerous though because networks are black magic to most users. Even more so than the computer itself.
I often explain it as though they’re asking an airplane mechanic to fix their Honda Civic. The principals are the same(fuel goes in, rotation comes out) but the machines are so different that doesn’t help much from a practical standpoint
Oh I have questions. I’m not going to ask because thread and because I’m smart enough to know it’s not an easy problem, but that sure wouldn’t be the escape you think it is if we were friends lol.
I hate networking issues. But I’ve replaced every foot of cabling, every networking device, and my ISP and I still get intermittent 2 minute network drops a few times a day. I am to the point of suspecting a rogue smart device is doing something malicious. I need a networking guru friend to annoy.
Disconnect everything physically plugged into the router and change the WiFi password.
Add your devices back one at a time until the dropouts start again.
If they start immediately then you’re looking at a modem/router issue (most likely). If they start after adding a device, remove that device and check the network stability again.
When the network drops happen is your modem showing that it’s still connected to your ISP or is the modem in a disconnected state?
It can be hours between dropouts. Not saying that’s not a really good idea, but I’ll have to add stuff in groups. It would take me months just adding one device a day.
Since I got my new fiber connection a few months ago, I couldn’t say whether the modem stays connected or not. The cable modem dropped connection, but Comcast swore it wasn’t any problem on their end. Until I got fiber everything was self-owned inside the house and everything was replaced at least once: wiring, cable modem, router/wireless AP.
Honestly since switching to fiber I haven’t done the deep troubleshooting I had with my modem, and I suppose there could’ve even been a couple of issues and switching to fiber fixed one but not the other. Some symptoms are the same: my phone will stop working with anything Internet until I disconnect or wait a while and my PS5 will complain that it has lost connection. Other symptoms are different: I haven’t noticed my white noise streams stopping abruptly in the middle of the night, my work meetings don’t suddenly drop.
It’s almost like before the whole internet would drop and now only DNS will, so existing connections work fine (like through vpn, existing streams) but new requests like refreshing Lemmy won’t work for a couple of minutes.
Sorry, it wasn’t until you asked that I started thinking maybe the symptoms had slightly changed when I switched to fiber because the most obvious symptoms are the same. I need to do more investigation on my end. But thanks for asking the question that made me give that some thought.
Hey, it’s ok. It’s troubleshooting and that’s free flowing.
So you’ve switched ISP’s from cable to fiber and the issue persists?
To a degree, yes. Like I was saying, some of the symptoms do seem to have gone away, but I do still have what appears to be intermittent loss of domain name resolution. Maybe I have so many devices phoning home that the service freaks every once in a while.
Unfortunately, now that I’m using the router to handle all of this with the stock firmware, I don’t have as good of logging as I did when I was running all of that on my Pi.
Are you using the same router on the fiber service you used on the cable service?
Total shot in the dark knowing basically nothing about the situation, but if your house is over 10 years old and you also have cable internet, you might have a MoCA filter somewhere along the coax line(I’ve seen them installed outside too)
They were installed all over the place to prevent interference between cable TV and cable Internet, but sometimes they cause problems getting a stable internet connection
I’ve replaced all the wiring out to the service box on the outside of the house. At one point I noticed the network drop coincided with a log message that a different IP6 address was trying to take over (or be handed off) DHCP provider (or maybe it was DNS, it’s been a while since I just gave up and accepted it). Then it will apparently timeout and go back to normal and everything comes back up. That’s why the duration is so predictable.
But at the time I was using a raspberry pi running pihole as my DNS/DHCP providers. I gave up and removed it, thinking I had misconfigured something and that was the cause of the issue, but it’s gone and the drops remain. Now I’m just running everything off of my Orbi mesh. And it’s all acting just like it did with my old Nighthawk (which I’ve left up on a different channel to divide up some of the smart device load but before anyone thinks they are interfering, this issue far predates me blowing $500 on a new router mesh that fixed nothing).
My TVs got really pissed off when the pi was hooked up and I wouldn’t let them call home. Maybe it’s one I’d them, but idk. We have probably 100 different smart devices from 20 different vendors between lights, cameras, thermostat, motion sensors, plugs, vacuums, Alexa’s, TVs and phones. I don’t think it’s sheer volume but I can’t rule it out. Having two different WiFi networks ought to lighten the load but idk.
Anyway, I appreciate the stab. It’s a hard problem, and I’m probably up to the task if I really get pissed enough, but as you can tell by everything I’ve done I’ve already been there a couple of times.
Right now the real annoying thing is, when the network drops, my daughter’s school laptop connects to someone’s Xfinity router (to which we don’t have creds) and never goes back to ours when it’s back and it’s administered by the school so I can’t make it forget that damn Xfinity SSID. She knows how to fix it but I think she tries too fast before it’s back up, then just assumes Internet is down despite the fact that I’m 20’ away on a freaking slack huddle for work…
I’m just venting at this point. Thanks, man. Don’t worry about it unless something I’ve said makes it really obvious.
I’d say it’s a pretty general phenomenon. Expertise and entitled consumption of it as a service. Even in a professional setting, with a service/support dynamic, it can be abused through entitlement pretty often.
When I was doing admin work my rule was I would help immediate family and my grandparents for free, but quoted a price to everyone else. I figure my parents deserve it since I wouldn’t be “good at computers” without them and my grandmother always made dinner for me when I stopped by to help. Most of my friends we exchange favors (I’ll help fix their pc they help move appliances into my kitchen) and co workers get a straight bill (usually the eff you price to boot). It’s amazing how fast folks stop asking.
Related, I’m always oddly busy when folks need my pickup “to just move a thing, it’ll only take like 30 mins”.
My father in law was a proctologist - and also a man I didn’t really enjoy spending any time with. One day during one of those strained compulsory family dinners - not sure which, maybe Thanksgiving - he turned to me and said with this false jovial air:
“Hey, you’re a computer guy. I have this problem with my Windows laptop. Could you take a look?” and proceeded to unpack his laptop, which he had brought along, clearly to have me fix it.
So I got up, started undoing my fly and said “Sure! Hey, I have piles. Could you take a look?”
He got up and left without a word, and never came back. His wife kept visiting though, thankfully. She was lovely. But I got rid of him for good that day. But I did have to face the music with my wife 🙂
I just saw your comment on lemmy shitpost
Hey, you’re an ass man. I have this problem with my bum. Could you take a look?
Yep.
I have been expected to solve tech problems constantly, constantly blamed for when further problems arise due to others undoing what I fixed or not following my instructions, expected to undertake large tech oriented projects or research that take up significant amounts of my time, for no benefit to myself.
And when I am unavailable for whatever reason, my family members and friends would pay an hourly wage to other tech savvy family members or friends to do what I was negged into doing for free… and of course they would usually do it in a far sloppier, less efficient, more expensive way or even fail completely, yet still be paid.
… along with many other instances like this, I eventually realized that basically everyone I used to know was actually a gaslighting, narcissistic, exploitative piece of shit with insanely hypocritical double standards, and just fucking ghosted everyone and moved halfway across the country.
Woops!
Turns out I have CPTSD!
Drag is very sorry to hear all that, and wouldn’t be surprised if you ended up with narcissism or a similar personality disorder from abuse like that.
Sounds like you are too blunt. Never tell them no. Listen to their problem and just reply with a ‘Id have to look into that’, or an ‘I can come over when I get a chance’. If they persist, have a couple projects they can help you out with and tell them 'sorry Id love to help, but Im (going to the dump / painting the kitchen / gotta do seasonal yard work / etc). If they offer to help you, then you are kinda on the hook to help them. If they dont follow through… you can subtly bring it up (still gotta move that couch). You dont have to be a dick about it. It can be fun messing with folks.
Honestly I’m tech support for some people, but I need help with some of the more advanced stuff, so I have a tech guy too.
If you really want someone to stop bothering you, botch the job.
Or just make yourself out to be utterly incompetent; let them think you’re bad at your job/hobby.
“What happens when you google it? If that doesn’t help I don’t know what else to try, sorry /shrug”
“Ask ChatGPT.”
Had this problem a while ago,y solution was either straight up tell them no, or to say you will do it for a fee and say I didn’t get get all this information for free, it has cost me a lot to learn all this information and then to point out my degree.
If they didn’t like it. That’s not really my problem. I do not ow them my skills and expertise just because I know them.
I would help the ones I know wouldn’t mind if I just said no, and ones that I know that if I helped them once doesn’t mean I always will.
Consent is important and if they can’t understand what no is and that consent can be taken away, then they don’t really deserve the help I can give them.
Physical therapy - i tell everyone to put ice in it and take Aleve for 3 days if it doesn’t interfere with your meds.
I have a friend that’s a doc. We’re not supposed to tell people because they will to spend all night talking to her about their medical problems.
It’s the same with plumbers, accountants, garage door repairers, mechanics, nurses, … everyone.
We all think, “why does everyone want my help for free?” but we’ve all asked someone with a skill for advice.
I came out the otherside by becoming a solutions architect. Now when people ask for my help I say things like “I know how to do that at enterprise scale. Here’s the $10k/month cloud solution.”
People don’t ask as much anymore.
People feel entitled to support because there’s no financial outlay, it’s “free”. Also, “it’ll just take a minute”.
The ideal situation is to do the work and negotiate their help in return. “Be glad to help! And you can do $X for me sometime!” Cool thing about that is soliciting help paradoxically makes people like you more. Do the job, then ask them for help. And follow up on that ask or you will be taken advantage of!
Related:
“He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged”.
The Benjamin Franklin effect is the brain’s effort to resolve the cognitive dissonance we experience when we do a favor for someone we don’t particularly like. In order to rationalize our behaviour, we convince ourselves that we must like the person otherwise we would never have done them the favor.
Not 100% agreed with that last quote as it works for people you actually like. But that’s the general idea.
Same goes for handyman or carpenter.
I’m also a “handyman” and that also hurts so much. Generally whenever something is broken I do a little research and try to fix it. This works like 70% of the time, so ive learned how to do a lot of stuff. Fixing sinks, toilets, broken furniture, fixing vacuum cleaners and various appliances, etc.
What’s that phrase? “Being good at your jobs gets you rewarded with more work”?
