• Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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    10 days ago

    Idiot here. Is it proof that Fauci did 9/11 harbor to fake the flat moon landing on 5g vaccine autism with gay-hurricane-powered Jewish frog space lasers funded by Bill gates and George Soros?

    • WoodScientist@sh.itjust.works
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      10 days ago

      What’s everybody got against the Jewish Space Lasers? Rabbi Rabinowitz has been in charge of those lasers since 1998, and he’s been doing a damn fine job keeping the Martians and asteroids at bay! You know he’s only come down from Skylab II twice since he took the director’s position up there? You know what that much zero gravity does to a man? He’s been up there so long, he can’t come back anymore. He’s gonna die up there manning those lasers. That’s what Rabbi Rabinowitz has sacrificed for his country and planet! And the gall of some people, ranting about the Jewish space lasers. Are there Jewish space lasers? Yes! And they’ve been keeping your dumb ass safe from Martians and meteors for decades!

      [In my head, I read this in Bernie Sander’s voice.]

      • Septimaeus@infosec.pub
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        10 days ago

        Lol rabinowicz is Slavic for son of the rabbi so “rabbi rabinowitz” sounds like a character from a Bourekas comedy

        • WoodScientist@sh.itjust.works
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          9 days ago

          Yeah, I’ve used the name before in a similar tale. It just really tickles me to think that there in fact ARE Jewish space lasers, and there’s a brave group of rabbis up on a space station keeping the planet safe from extraterrestrial threats. And “Rabbi Rabinowitz” is one of the most ridiculously over-the-top Jewish names I can think of. And instead of nefarious conspiracies, it’s very fun to just be like, “what do you have against the Jewish space lasers?! How dare you insult the good work of the great Rabbi Rabinowitz! You ungrateful bastard. He’s given his life to save you!!”

          • Septimaeus@infosec.pub
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            9 days ago

            Maybe getting clowned on will snap them out of it. Regardless, love the bit. Long live rabbi rabinowitz!

      • NaibofTabr@infosec.pub
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        10 days ago

        If you can’t tell which person in your group is having a stroke right now, it’s probably you.

            • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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              10 days ago

              The USS Enterprise drifted silently in the void. The warp core, normally humming like a gentle giant, pulsed erratically, casting an eerie red glow across the engineering deck. The ship had been through hell—again. Another battle, another crisis, another miracle demanded from its weary engineer.

              Montgomery Scott sat in the dim light, his fingers tightening around a hyperspanner. His knuckles were white. His eyes, once twinkling with the joy of discovery, were sunken and dark.

              “Push her harder, Scotty! Faster, Scotty! Save us all, Scotty!”

              Decades of it. Day after day. Always fixing what the captain broke. Always asked to do the impossible. And he always did. Because he was Scotty.

              But not anymore.

              From the darkness, a voice crackled over the intercom. “Scotty, we need you on the bridge. The power fluctuations—”

              The intercom went dead.

              Scotty ran his fingers along the cold metal of the hyperspanner, his lips curling into a grim smile.

              “Aye,” he muttered. “Time tae ease the strain.”

              The first to go was Lieutenant Uhura. She had come down to engineering, concern in her eyes.

              “Scotty, something’s wrong with internal communications. The system keeps—”

              She gasped as something thick and metallic wrapped around her throat—one of the many cables hanging from the ceiling, repurposed for a darker function. Scotty pulled it tighter, his face close to hers, his breath hot against her ear.

              “Dinnae worry, lass,” he whispered. “Yer voice has worked hard fer too long. Time tae ease the strain.”

              She kicked, she clawed, but soon her struggles faded, and her lifeless body slumped to the floor.

              McCoy and Spock came next, together. They’d noticed Uhura missing, of course. They’d come looking.

              McCoy never even saw the hyperspanner coming. A single, well-placed blow shattered the doctor’s skull, leaving a crimson splash across the bulkhead.

              Spock had a moment longer. He turned, raising an eyebrow. “Curious. You appear to be suffering from—”

              The plasma torch in Scotty’s hand flared to life. Spock’s words were cut short by a scream—an unnatural, alien sound—as the torch met his flesh. He collapsed, his body twitching. Scotty knelt beside him, whispering in his ear as the Vulcan’s final breath shuddered out.

              “Time tae ease the strain.”

              Scotty let them run. He wanted them to run.

              The corridors of the Enterprise were dark now, emergency lighting flickering as Scotty shut down systems one by one. The ship had become his hunting ground.

              Sulu turned a corner, phaser raised—too slow. Scotty was already there, lurking in the shadows. A wrench came down on his wrist, sending the phaser clattering away. Another swing, and Sulu’s knee shattered. He collapsed, gasping in agony.

              Chekov screamed and fled into the turbolift, slamming the controls. The doors hissed shut just as he caught a glimpse of Scotty’s face—grinning, waiting.

              The turbolift never stopped. It climbed deck after deck, faster and faster, until the safety protocols failed, until the artificial gravity couldn’t compensate anymore.

              Until it reached the top.

              The doors slid open, and for a brief moment, Chekov had time to understand. Time to feel his stomach lurch. Time to fall.

              From below, Scotty listened.

              He never heard the landing.

              The bridge was empty now. Only Captain Kirk remained.

              He stood at the viewscreen, staring into the black. The ship was dead around him, but he had known for some time that it was more than that. His crew was gone. He was alone.

              And yet, he wasn’t.

              The turbolift doors hissed open. Slow, heavy footsteps followed.

              Kirk turned.

              Scotty stood in the doorway, covered in soot, in grease, in blood. The hyperspanner dangled from his fingers, dripping red. His eyes gleamed in the dim light.

              Kirk exhaled. “Scotty… why?”

              Scotty took a step forward.

              “Ye always said ye needed just a little more power, Captain.”

              Another step.

              “Ye always said ye needed one more miracle.”

              Another.

              “Ye never thought tae ask what that cost.”

              Kirk’s hand hovered over his phaser.

              Scotty’s grin widened.

              “Time tae ease the strain, Captain.”

              The lights flickered one last time.

              And the Enterprise fell silent.

              • Dharma Curious (he/him)@slrpnk.net
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                9 days ago

                One of the things I love most about Lemmy is how everything, no matter the context, becomes star trek in the end. It’s like that all evolution leads to crab meme, but in real life. All discussion becomes trek.

                Excellent writing, btw! Love the story

  • Worx@lemmynsfw.com
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    10 days ago

    Proof that the universe is an egg. Armageddon will come when the Christian God’s sperm comes to fertilize us and we’ll be reborn into Heaven unless climate change aborts us as a foetus

  • aeronmelon@lemmy.world
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    10 days ago

    Serious question: Do we know how far removed from the exact center of the Big Bang we are? Is that something that be deduced?

    • gazter@aussie.zone
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      10 days ago

      I’m not sure if this answers the question, but it might help.

      Everything in space is moving, but it’s not expanding outward from a central point, like an explosion. Instead, the space between the things is getting bigger.

      The balloon analogy gets thrown around a lot, but I find it misleading- It’s not about the balloon getting bigger, expanding outward from the center of the sphere. It’s more about the surface of that balloon stretching.

      The rubber sheet analogy helps. Scatter a bunch of things on a infinite rubber sheet. Now stretch that in all directions - the things get further apart, but are not moving away from a central point.

      • Lysergid@lemmy.ml
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        10 days ago

        Does it mean space being created out of nothing between things? I’m not good at it but wouldn’t that violate conservation of energy?

        • NotLemming@lemm.ee
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          10 days ago

          How? There’s nothing between the things so I’m guessing there’s no energy?

          • Lysergid@lemmy.ml
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            10 days ago

            My understanding Quantum field theory says virtual particles can be created out of vacuum fluctuations, which makes me think there will be more energy after expansion. Again, I might be getting it wrong.

            • NotLemming@lemm.ee
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              10 days ago

              I’d say you’ve more chance of being right than me since I know nothing about it. I mean how can a particle be virtual lol. I thought a vacuum meant no particles.

    • LostXOR@fedia.io
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      10 days ago

      According to current theories, the Big Bang happened everywhere at once, so there was no center. One somewhat useful analogy is an inflating balloon; the entire surface of the balloon is expanding, but there’s no center to the expansion.

      • aeronmelon@lemmy.world
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        10 days ago

        But there should be an approximate center of the “balloon’s” area, right?

        (I swear to god I’m not trolling.)

        I think I phrased my question wrong. If the universe is expanding and we can see the extreme edges of that expansion, where is the center of that and where we, the Milky Way Galaxy, in relation to it?

        • bstix@feddit.dk
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          10 days ago

          Going with the balloon idea, the universe is the surface of the balloon. A sphere doesn’t have a center on the surface.

          We could say that the center of the sphere is where the big bang started. The distance to the center of the expansion is 13.7 billion years. It doesn’t have a distance in x,y,z coordinates, because those are all on the surface, and it’s kind of futile to attempt to understand time as a fourth dimension in this regard. We don’t know if the universe is spherical at all. It’s just a description used to portray the expansion. The expansion is also happening faster than light, which makes it impossible to convert the age of the universe to a size. The universe is bigger 13.7 billion light years, perhaps even infinite. Infinity doesn’t have a center either.

        • tree_frog@lemm.ee
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          10 days ago

          Flip the balloon inside out, make the center a point in time, rather than a point in space (the start). As the balloon expands, everything moves out from the center. But there’s no geographical location because the center is a point in spacetime, not a point in space.

        • Draces@lemmy.world
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          10 days ago

          I don’t like the balloon analogy because it suggests a center but everything is moving away from everything else. It’s more like infinite balloons being blown up at once which only works because the universe is infinite. It’s more an expansion than explosion. That’s how I’ve always conceptualized it anyway but happy to be corrected

        • LostXOR@fedia.io
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          10 days ago

          The “edge” we see is just the furthest point in the universe that light is able to reach us from. Beyond that the universe is receding too quickly for the light to make it to us. Since the expansion is uniform, we can see an equal distance in all directions and thus we are at the center of our visible universe.

  • WoodScientist@sh.itjust.works
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    10 days ago

    I mean, isn’t it obvious? Christianity has traditionally believed that Earth is the center of the Universe. Everything in the Universe is moving away from us, as if we are sitting at the very spot where “Let There Be Light” resulted in light being let. Physics has proven that we are at the literal single unique geometric center of the Universe. /s

  • UrPartnerInCrime@sh.itjust.works
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    9 days ago

    Kinda weird to put the sun in the center imo. Cause we’re not the center of it all. But if you put the earth in the center and started spacing out from there it would be pretty cool IMHO

    • Gladaed@feddit.org
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      9 days ago

      I guess we are trained to see the sun as the center due to historic reasons. Really helps with not assuming everything revolves around us.

      But the sun also provides a Bright center for the drawing so there is some artistic merit, I believe.

      • UrPartnerInCrime@sh.itjust.works
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        9 days ago

        Well if Earth is at the center than this is everything we can see in the observable galaxy from our viewpoint. Having it this way seems like out solar system is the center of it all

  • Lemminary@lemmy.world
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    10 days ago

    I just say it’s the universe version of the homunculus. I think that gets the idea across but only if they’re even slightly educated. 😅