A coupe of hand grenades for some extra kick!
Aloe.
sumac gives a nice flavor to fried human skin
Firehose
And a few buckets of ice
Firehose. For grease fires lol. Yes.
Absolute fun multipliers!
I wouldn’t worry about seasoning, it’s gonna get plenty of smoke.
Always the hot sauce!
Such a setup would make me leave the premises faster than a bunch of MAGA-brain uncles could do.
Make sure the turkey is fully frozen before you put it in.
And throw it in quickly! Wouldn’t want it to cook unevenly.
Also, since there will be a bit of oil splattering, make sure to quickly secure your lid with clamps. Hope you have a blast!
Toss in a few plugged in power strips and extension cords to add a nice spicy flavor to everything.
Ice
Keep doing what you’re doing.
Seasoning?
Monoammonium phosphate in a Class B shaker.
Dynamite!
Depending upon ventilation, if they succeed in drying it enough and not having it overflow getting it in, they might not have to worry about getting it out.
It’s a fire extinguisher, for those who might need to look it up (like I did)
be sure to fill that baby alllll the way up before dropping the bird in from about counter-height.
We usually invite the whole family to watch the bird plopping ceremony.
“All right kids! Gather 'round! We’re gonna plop the turkey!!”
From helicopter height.
Oh, the humanity!
Also make sure the bird is frozen totally solid before slamming it in
I have several drunken and glib responses ranging from actual seasoning advice to something about the season of the witch. How-the-fuck-ever…
Run. Just fucking run. Neighbors? Kids? Whatever. Run.
Carbon monoxide, my favorite seasoning
