Are you asking me for my super secret family recipe?!?!? Sure thing! But I have a lot to say about it so get ready for the infodump. You’re not just getting the proportions, you’re getting too much information.

Let me start by saying it’s hard to mess up SPG. Get roughly equal parts salt and pepper, add a little garlic, and you’re good. Some folks also add onion to theirs and that’s pretty good as well. I know guys who have won local smoking competitions who eyeball that shit.

His everyday mix is one part dried, minced garlic to three parts sea salt and three parts coarse ground black pepper by volume. On brisket he uses another part pepper to help develop that deep bark.

My everyday mix is one part dried, minced garlic to two and a half parts coarse ground black pepper and three parts table salt by volume (I had an iodine deficiency and don’t want to remember to take my supplement). On brisket I use his blend.

For the garlic I generally mince it and spread it on parchment paper then pop it in the oven on 170f for an hour or so. However much garlic I end up with decides how much SPG I have so generally I’ll do a whole bulb at a time. You could do the same thing with the jars of minced garlic you can buy at the store, McCormick dried minced garlic, or even garlic powder. I happen to prefer the flavor of doing it myself but not everyone has the time, extra garlic from their garden, an oven, desire, or whatever to do it and honestly the difference in results isn’t going to be greatly noticeable to most people.

I’m an enthusiastic amateur taster with a terrible palette and I bet it would ruin it for me, too.

Watch your mouth, I might be a lady! I mean, I’m not, but I could be!

Honestly, using that kind of language…You’re a **** ********* ** ******.

I don’t think you’re a ****

Yep. If I’m feeling depressed I’ll slap on Bojack. If I’m feeling good, Disenchantment. That’s pretty much the only things I watch on Netflix when I sub it for a month to see if it’s gotten any better.

Smoking meats is a hobby. To get dinner ready, you start at 3am and tend the firebox all day. You try different rubs, woods, and techniques to make the product of your craft the best it can be.

3am?!? What tiny little brisket are you doing at 225 to start that late? You’ve got to leave time for it to rest.

Ok, in all seriousness this is one of my main hobbies. By that I mean I do it often and I’ve stuck with it for years while other hobbies have come and gone. I’ve got a couple of offset smokers, a drum smoker that I built, and a pellet smoker when I don’t have the time to tend the firebox but still want to smoke something.

I said all that to say this: there are plenty of people who couldn’t give two shits about smoking meats who absolutely come ask me questions about it. Not because I’m the best, and not because they want it to be their hobby. But because I’m excited to talk about it. I also tend to bring full plates with me for my friends (and usually a couple of extras) so they get the benefit of having food.

I’ve also had women ask if they can come hang out next time I crank up the smoker. It’s an easy way in for someone who wouldn’t normally be confident enough to approach you.

There nothing shameful about a man getting choked by Dick in the shower.

We used to use them to farm and sell gold and rare items in an online game that I won’t mention because I’m afraid it will restart my addiction.

There’s nothing wrong with Cajun seasoning! I used to use either Tony’s or Cavender’s on stuff for years because I had a busy lifestyle, didn’t always have the give a shit to mix my own spices, and early on I didn’t really have the knowledge to know what was good yet. I’m just in a place where it makes sense for me and I’m very happy with it.

By the way, if you’re looking for something pretty good that isn’t Cajun seasoning, check out Kinder “The Blend”. It’s a legit SPG.

I’ve been making an SPG blend for a while on and off based on proportions my buddy used for his brisket rub. Sometime last year he started keeping a whole jar of it on hand and seasoning everything savory with it rather than just using salt when it’s called for. The biggest difference between his and mine is that he uses sea salt and I use regular table salt. The flavor is slightly different and I don’t get the big crystals, but it’s still pretty great.

He turned me into a believer. I’ve started keeping my own jar and that’s my base spice for everything. Chicken, fish, beef, pork, veggies, whatever. Most things get extra like paprika, chili powder, oregano, parsley, or whatever the meat calls for, but everything gets at least those three. Even my homemade mayo gets it, which means it goes on all my sandwiches as well.

I was on call 24/7 for years. It’s been a long time since I had to deal with that (with a slide into a related career rather than changing careers) but I will never forget how terrible it was. I wasted what should have been my best years on that shit.

Now there’s only one person at work who has my number. He doesn’t call except for the one time I forgot to put my day off on the calendar. My work apps are paused at 5pm and all weekend. I only get alerts on my computer. However, I still twitch sometimes when my phone goes off after hours because it was a learned and deeply reinforced response for so many years.

I’m surprised they didn’t have some mountaintop monk “guru” as well. I hate that word the most.

Hollow and semi hollow body electric guitars do as well.

Horse girls do not care.

There’s no such thing as leftover pico. That’s a myth.

Mr. Big Stuff

Who do you think you are?

My buddy has been watching too many redneck cooking videos and calls it “warsh-yer-sister” sauce.

I’ve thought about getting an air fryer just for this. I usually use the oven or toss it in a pan.

If I’m having leftover pizza for lunch while smoking a brisket or ribs I’ll toss a couple of slices on the smoker on an uncoated paper plate. That’s actually my preferred method but I refuse to crank up a smoker for leftover pizza.