After eating Thai and Mexican back to back, I do recall a snip in the new testament decrying his asshole as the gateway to hell. Never heard about him speaking poorly of tits.
My money’s on he was a boobs guy.
This post comes up every so often, and every time either I, or someone else, reminds people that one of the Bible’s biggest stories is that of Jesus washing Mary Magdalene’s feet. Mary Magdalene was a “street walker” at the time, which is old times speak for hooker, thus making him a feet guy
He washed all the disciples feet ;)
No, washing feet was a common thing - they wore sandals or walked barefoot most of the time, it was a common hygiene practice. It was just a task for “submissive”-classed people - the wife would wash the husband’s feet, and so on.
Jesus was subverting social norms in multiple ways.
So what you’re saying is… Jesus was a bottom.
Service sub
Jesus seemed like a great dude. Shame that none of his followers pay attention to the lessons he taught.
I know I just thought it was funny
You gotta be careful though, because the Bible basically called every woman that is featured in it a whore. A lot of this is actually more modern translation stuff, clerics of the dark ages loved adding whore to ever female description
clerics of the dark ages loved adding whore to ever female description
Holy shit they were based in 500 AD?
clerics when they see a woman:
Agreed he had an obsession with washing peoples feet. As I see it, as an evolved and enlightened human he was probably a pan sexual with a feet washing fetish
There are claims that the translation of the bible is wrong on this though.
In short, feet might mean genitalia. I really have no opinion on it, but it makes a lot of sense. The purpose of even describing the submissive act of washing feet aligns well with the old Greek teacher and pupil relationships to present Jesus as a stand up guy who will go down on anybody, men or women, regardless of their status. He took your sins and such.
The message is the same anyway, so I suppose it has been whitewashed a bit throughout the years.
The reason why I want to believe it is that it would also explain why he was so popular that contemporary writers would bother writing anything about him.
He didn’t really break it down much, did he? Basically just spent 4 minutes saying that people who study the bible don’t agree on it.
Unless I linked the wrong breakdown, he goes into examples in the Bible of when feet are euphemistically, and compares those to the descriptions of Jesus washing feet - that they had dissimilar language and don’t match. I don’t think you can gloss what he said as “people who study the Bible don’t agree on it” - he’s an academic, and academics couch their language. I thought it was clear that he was mildly entertaining the idea more out of amusement and to give some context as an educator.
Like, so ridiculous a suggestion that you would need substantial evidence for it be reasonable. The symbolism behind the act of service seems fairly clear - washing feet is placing yourself in submission to someone. Aligns with more explicit textual things: “turn the other cheek” etc.
This sounds heretic as fuck so I’m gonna roll with it
There’s nothing that points to Mary Magdalene being a prostitute. She’s conflated with another character who was, but they aren’t directly connected in the text.
He seemed like the kind of guy who’d be into thighs tbh
Definitely a member of the thighdeology sect
We call it thighentology around these parts
Books, because he loves looking down on us
It’s a tough question, to be sure. I mean, we can look through the book for hints about it here and there, but I think the best way is to look at the followers who are closest to him. That said… Pedophile. Jesus was definitely a pedophile.
I’m not criticizing your conclusion, I just want to know how you got there xD
Priests fucking altar boys
Yeah, people suck.
Considering this is the middle ear were talking about, he’s be an ankle/feet man
That’s why he always wanted to wash them
Well there are several stories in the Bible about Jesus riding an ass, but none about Jesus riding boobs. So I think it’s safe to say Jesus was an ass man.
Granted, you’d have to find some way to harness together quite a few boobies in order for them to be able to pull anything much, since they’re not huge birds. But if you get enough of them, maybe you could fly.
It’s a simple matter of weight ratios.
Are we taking about an African or European booby?
This logic is sound. Concur.
As the WORD of God he’s the source of Proverb and Song of Solomon so…
Dark am I, yet lovely, because I am darkened by the sun - Song of Solomon 1
so… tanned
works with eager hands… her arms are strong for her tasks - Proverbs 31
… toned forearms …
Like an apple[c] tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste - Song of Solomon 2
… not opposed to oblique references to pre-marital fellatio …
strengthen me with raisins
… … … nutrition aware(?) …
I am … a lily of the valley … My beloved … browses among the lilies
… not opposed to oblique references to pre-marital cunnilingus … (see also 4:16)
Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from the hills of Gilead. 2 Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone. 3 Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely - Song of Solomon 4
… mysterious eyes … flowing hair … no missing teeth (lol) … red lips …
Your breasts are like two fawns
… young(?) breasts …
You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water
… looks at camera …
Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread everywhere
… …
My beloved thrust his hand through the latch-opening; my heart began to pound for him. I arose to open for my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with flowing myrrh, on the handles of the bolt. - Song of Solomon 5
… (authoris of erotic lit take note, this is your lord and god speaking) …
I went down to the grove of nut trees to look at the new growth in the valley, to see if the vines had budded or the pomegranates were in bloom. - Song of Solomon
… pubescent? hey, could be worse …
Your graceful legs are like jewels - Song of Solomon 7
… legs guy! …
Your breasts are like two fawns
… breasts again! …
your breasts like clusters of fruit
… breasts mention number 3 …
May your breasts be like clusters of grapes on the vine
… #4 …
breasts … like towers - Song of Solomon 8
… #5 …
I think you can draw your own conclusions.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk
By my very fundamentalist upbringing, this was all supposedly a metaphor for God’s love of the nation of Israel. Which is exactly the sort of “reading between the lines” that they said you weren’t supposed to do.
It’s not that complicated. Solomon was horny, someone a long time ago decided his hornyness should be canon, and now biblical literalists have to deal with it and don’t know how.
no missing teeth (lol)
More remarkable than you think without modern dental care.
It’s not that complicated. Solomon was horny, someone a long time ago decided his hornyness should be canon, and now biblical literalists have to deal with it and don’t know how.
hans landa: that’s a bingo
also, not even necessarily horny, just far far less prudish, all the sensory stuff associated with sex was just far more normal
I’m 51 and haven’t had any dental care as an adult. I still have all of my teeth, and no pain etc. They could use a cleaning but a lot is genetics and diet. Not all of my genetics are great though, I’ve had autoimmune issues since I was a kid.
You probably grew up brushing your teeth with modern toothpaste, and had fluoride in the water.
This isn’t universally true, even today, in the United States. So says the diner in Indianapolis I went to where almost all the staff were missing teeth.
I want to commend for some sort of prize. I can’t upvote twice but I would if I could. Nice!
p.s
I’m going to take a risk and say the comparison to fawns implies not very big breast but well defined and not very much parted.
Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from the hills of Gilead.
Guess that was considered beautiful, millennia ago.
Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone.
Cares for personal hygiene, i guess?
Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from the hills of Gilead.
Guess that was considered beautiful, millennia ago.
This is probably the imagery… (except dark mountain goats)
Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone.
Cares for personal hygiene, i guess?
More likely good health and youth to be honest…
Well, in those times they didn’t really have dentists, so having all one’s pearly whites in a adulthood was not common.
Could he not have been ace?
He could be asexual who doesn’t experience sexual desire at all. I mean just possibility
I know asexuality is spectrum and not everyone experiences sexual desires same way.
Assuming the Catholic you’re talking to recognizes asexuality exists. It’s funny that accepting asexuality is a way out of blasphemy here though.
Funnier that they demand their priests be celibate but don’t recognize asexuality. Like, what do they think is happening with priests who aren’t getting caught in sex scandals? Sure some of them probably just have more willpower, but I’m willing to bet money that many of them are just asexual and never had to think about it or identify that way because they were instead celibate for their faith.
You know, I learned that a long time ago, Catholic Priests used to be allowed to marry, but because they didn’t really have any of their own possessions or property, priests were cared and provided for by the Church. If they did get married, the wife also was cared for. And in a religion that sees birth control as blasphemy, that means that the kids would also be cared and provided for. And when you have a lot of priests, all getting married and having lots of kids, that gets expensive. So now priests have to be celibate.
Not all catholic priests have to be celibate! Eastern rite Catholics (around 1 percent of Catholics) are able to marry and have kids! Also, there’s something called the personal ordinate, where former Anglican priests can be ordained as catholic priests and Anglican parishes/congregations can be joined to the Catholic Church while retaining uniquely Anglican cultural and liturgical elements, and if the priest is already married they can still be ordained, even though they’re ostensibly within the western rite (the one where priests can’t marry), but AFAIK if they’re unmarried when they make the switch they cannot then get married.
Orthodox priests can also marry (but only before becoming priests. If unmarried when ordained, unmarried you must remain*), and are considered to be in full communion with the Catholics, and while I’ve never looked into it, I’m sure there’s something similar to the personal ordinate for them as well.
*I like this system better than western rite. Priests can marry but once they’re in that position of power over people they can’t. Because in theory at least, it’d be easy for an unmarried priest to take advantage of a parishioners they were sexually interested in, because there is such an inbalance of power between the two, like teacher/student but cranked up to 11. I personally like the Episcopal model
Interesting, I grew up Catholic and never knew there were exceptions.
I didn’t either until recently. I knew that historically it hadn’t always been the case, and that it was a quirk of the Catholics, not something based in the early church, but until I found the Episcopal church and started learning more about liturgical Christianity, I had no idea.
It was also a very convenient way to prevent the nobility from establishing a church dynasty.
Also a convenient place to dump non-inheriting sons.
Homie travelled alone with twelve guys that he loved and they truly loved him back. He never made a pass at Mary Magdalene, and when Judas sold him out he sealed Jesus’s fate with a kiss.
Jesus was definitely an ass man.
Asexual people exist, dude.
Those are just the disguised lizard people.
You got it slidely wrong. They secretly rule the world but not because they are lizards, that would be absurd, but because they are the only ones who have time to do so because they don’t think about sex all the time.
Dont I wish, but no, don’t even get scales…
Asexual doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate aspects of the human body.
Well, Christ came riding upon an ass, so I think this is an easy question to answer
jesus is an ass man. seen stickers making this statement.
Dick. Jesus was gay.
