Massage, wow it was literally torture, and it was authentic so it’s not like I got a bad one. I just always heard how relaxing and awesome it is, but I always thought it sounds horrible. Against my better judgment I tried it, 45 MINUTES OF IT!! And my stupid ass polite self decided that I will suffer through it because it would be insulting to ask to stop. Literally I had to go to my “happy place” because of how terrible it felt. To this day, thinking about it makes my skin crawl and my brain short-circuit.
What was the issue specifically?
Literally every part of it was either painful or extremely uncomfortable. I don’t think it was her fault, I think I might have some sensory issues. Aaahh, just writing this makes me feel horrible, the memories come back like a flood
Did you say that’s it’s painful?
Some of it, yeah
I went to a professional thai massage therapy recommended by my colleagues. I had extreme reservations because of… well, you know, it’s a thai massage. But my colleagues swore that the salon was legit, very professional, articulate staff, no sexual component included, very relaxing, does wonders for your neck. So what the hell, as a desk jockey my neck hurts all the time, I’ll give it a try.
Cautiously, I booked a neck and shoulder massage online. When I turned up, there was no receptionist, just a harried-looking middle-aged thai lady who spoke not a word of any language comprehensible to me. She hustled me into a bare room with a forlorn massage table in the middlle, and told me via Google Translate to remove my clothes.
Startled to obedience, I removed my button-up shirt and approached the table. This did not go down well with the lady, who prodded me with a bony finger and indicated that t-shirt and trousers should go too. I tried to point out that I had booked a neck and shoulders massage but to no avail. CLOTHES OFF SIR nagged the phone screen.
So there I was, in my embarrassing tighty whities shivering in a cold room, wishing I had worn my “Sounds GAY I’m in” boxers, undoubtedly about to be ravished by an increasingly annoyed thai lady who kept prodding and poking me towards the table.
I’ll not go into details about what happened, except it was not in any way what I was expecting. She mauled me with a strength of dozen bears, cracking my joints, pulverizing my buttocks. She turned my unwilling chubby body into such contortions that I had to squeeze my sphincter shut as if my life depended on it, in order not to rip out a series of massive farts. I’ll give her that there indeed was no happy ending, but it was an hour of absolute agony and I when I finally limped out, tears in my eyes, belt undone and my shirt buttons crooked, I felt like I had been waterboarded by CIA for weeks.
I don’t think I need to say that it was the first and last massage in my life.
Yeah, I’ve accidentally walked into a seedy massage once or twice…I mean, if you’ve got pain you want got rid of and you see a sign that says, “walk-ins welcome,” you ignore a lot of warning signs. Even though it soon became obvious that I wasn’t their typical clientele, I appreciate how they just get in there and do the job. It seems most legit places are afraid to do anything–which I guess makes sense since massage therapy can sometimes result in sexual harassment suits.
But, yeah, no more Asian massages. Sadly, there don’t seem to be any legit ones, which is a shame because you have shady businesses ruining it for immigrants who legitimately want to provide a good massage.
Yeah.
I’m just not into having a massage from someone I’m not romantically entangled with. Some people are, hard no from me.
That said, my wife is Thai. Massage skills seem to be something like Swimming is to Australians or cooking to Italians. You learn some at school but it’s such a big part of your cultural identity that everyone just knows how to do it.
She very frequently tells me that massages aren’t supposed to feel good nor are they supposed to be relaxing. Apparently a good massage hurts and you take as much pain as you can bear in order to “fix your muscles”.
We’ve been together for 13 years now and I’m still not sure how much I believe her.
Not because I needed confirmation, but because I thought it might be a way to connect to other with similar worldviews…
I joined an atheist meetup group. Well, let me just say the only thing we had in common was just that, the atheistic view.
Beyond that it was a random mishmash of people with whom I had nothing in common. And it was immediately revealed to me that there is some kind of sickness in the overall community of those folks, I immediately realized how insane it was to continually discuss something that you don’t believe exists.
I mean yeah, we were all coming because of the stated reason of shared atheistic view, but how irrational is it to hyperfocus on something that doesn’t exist???
And the other thing, I assumed there would be some kind of intellectual rigor that was present in each person that came to be an atheist, and I found that was not the truth at all. These folks were just as ludicrous and ridiculous as people that believe in homeopathy and every other nonsensical concept.
I couldn’t get the hell out of there fast enough, and I will never ever go back. I will never socialize with anybody who’s identity is so deeply tied to atheism
Makes sense. It’s hard to really rally around something you aren’t interested in. It’s a lack of belief, after all. Though some kind of religious trauma support group would have definitely been valuable to me in the deep South.
That’s exactly it, these people are still suffering from the trauma inflicted upon them
The other side of the coin, in my opinion, is that you actually have to heal from that, you cannot just spend the rest of your life ranting and raving
I grew up in an insane religious cult so I feel this all lol
some kind of religious trauma support group
I have been a part of maybe 3 different groups (it’s been a while) and used to attend some regularly. That was pretty much it for us–a support group where people shared how they were raised and how they came to leave their religion.
I also met with FFRF people a couple of times–once to join a “walk” to raise funds for a cause that had nothing to do with religion or atheism, and another to help erect a solstice/reason sign for the holidays.
I agree there are some weirdos, but it sounds like OP just happened to join a particularly odd group.
Weed and alcohol. I don’t want to go on that ride again.
My Dad and I impulsively got on the Zipper ride at the festival. Absolutely loved it, will never ever do again, 10/10, do not recommend
I tried cooking an Asian dessert. It tasted like sweetened scrambled eggs.
To be fair, that might be the intended flavor
Go to a concert. I was young, but it was so loud and crowded that I cried. I know that’s the concert experience, but it’s too much for me. I don’t do live performances that aren’t theater/Orchestra.
Skateboarding; tried it once because I thought (and still think) it was one of the coolest things ever but immediately fell on my face before even thinking about doing cool stuff.
immediately fell on my face before even thinking about doing cool stuff
It’s called learning difficult things. Everyone who has ever learned to skate has fallen plenty of times.
True, but I’ve since learned how bad my balance is; I can thankfully ride a bike just fine but everything else, even walking in a straight line, is kinda difficult.
I had an infection of the vestibular system on both sides a couple of years back, I’m certain that had something to do with it…
Bend your knees 🤙
Went to a corrida in southern France. Apparently it went particularly bad. It was horrific to watch (for the bull).
dual clutch auto in a sports car. can be really really good but still, if gas fueled sports car, should have three pedals.
Gas fueled sports cars (real ones, not “sports” cars with automatics) do have three pedals: gas, brake, and clutch.
Sports cars with good dual clutch autos are definitely still sports cars, I’m not at all about that sort of elitism. Just stating my own preference.
I went on one of those rides that lifts you in the air, then drops you until you reach the bottom. Never again. Couldn’t sleep for weeks after that.
Why?
It freaked me out big time. I’ve always been a little afraid of heights, but since I went on that ride, I’ve been absolutely terrified of heights
Cocaine. It was VERY fun. I fucking loved it.
I haven’t touched it since. I just knew the hole it would lead me down.
I had the opposite experience. It just gave an earwax taste, killed my beer buzz, and the next day i felt like a spike had be driven through my skull.
Same result, never touched it again.
…how do you know what earwax tastes like
HAHAHAHA I was a child once 🤣 it’s not a taste you forget. It’s not bad per se. Just unique, wouldn’t particularly suggest it…
Every day I’m reminded by the lack of curiosity of the average person.
M8 just try it, it’s not like it’s toxic. Sometimes you just gotta put the weird shit in your mouth.
If that’s what you consider useful curiosity…then im the one worried for “average” people
Paintball.
Took a hit directly on the neck yhe first time I tried it. Had a big sun shaped yellow and purple bruise on my neck for weeks.
Pass.
I went to a Young Life gathering to try and meet people at uni freshman year. The first one was a slightly awkward BBQ at someone’s off campus house. The second was on campus event that dropped off into that Uncanny Valley of mormon-like sing-alongs and activities.
My buddy and I surveyed the room, felt the hair on the back of our necks prickle, and we got out of there.
If you’ve seen Heretic or The Endless, it gave off those religious vibes. Too happy/smiley. Too weirdly perfect. Everyone talking about volunteering at kids camps over the summer and how fulfilling it was.
Like, I’m glad that people found something they liked. But it wasn’t people talking about real stuff, like their awesome mountain biking adventure over the summer, or volunteering overseas to rescue animals, or even getting over alcoholism. It was all hyper religious forced positivity, and this is coming from someone who grew up religious.
Gave birth.
Yup. One-and-done.
