I think the Pentagon Wars is about as close as it gets for now. Not about programming of course but all about company bureaucracy and feature creep
It’s definitely satire, but I feel Silicon Valley did a decent job. Yes they absolutely made things up, but it was more about the backend and pushing updates and servers being erased because someone accidentally sat a drink on a keyboard.
In an interview about silicon valley the creators said they interviewed a lot of people in the industry and had to actually cut out a bunch of stuff because it wouldn’t be believable by people outside the industry. One small example was the valuation. The VC people they talked to said pied piper would have gotten a lot more money than what ended up being in the show
Yeah, you can definitely tell the show was filtered through the lense of “what will the average person understand”. I just appreciated the focus on actually building something vs just seeing the business side of it.
Not programming, but the plot of Shin Godzilla was about bureaucratic red tape holding back the actual solutions.
WHICH IS WHY WE SHOULD DEREGULATE EVERYTHING! INCLUDING FOOD AND DRINKING WATER, AND WE SHOULD ALLOW ALLOW COMAPNIES TO DUMP INTO RIVERS!
I love hollywood
…you know this was a Japanese movie, right?
Oh I thought it was one of newer ones. I was envisioning the creep of conservatism into films, like that scene from Independence Day where Will Smith declares that he never wants to pay taxes
It’s my favorite Godzilla movie because of this aspect. There’s a scene where I lost it in the theater when the >!prime minister is completely certain in telling the press that Godzilla will absolutely never, not in a million years, not make landfall… only to have an underlying whisper in his ear that Godzilla just made landfall.!<
I worked for a Japanese company at the time, and could recognize that it wasn’t even heightened for parody. That’s just exactly how it is.
only to have an underling whisper in his ear that Godzilla just made landfall.
“Our plan worked, sir. Jet fuel can melt steel beams.”
Not software, one my the reasons I dropped The Flash tv series was the speed at which the “techie” created new tech that would win anyone several noble prizes.
PM: “Hey, I know you said it’ll be done in a week, and you need me to stay out of your way so you can focus, but it’s been 7 hours and I was wondering if you have an update for me. Can you create a report that outlines what you’ve done, what is remaining, and precisely when each step will be finished so that I can pester you about each step throughout the development process, interrupting your productivity? It makes me feel like I’m contributing.”
Also can you actually do it in 2 days? That would be better.
Project Zero Dawn but it’s funded by VCs
Your father died protecting free markets
What? Is this a reference to the game?
Tickets aren’t agile, tickets are scrum.
I mean, Agile doesn’t really demand that you do or don’t use tickets. You can definitely use tickets without scrum.
If you hate the taste of scrum give SAFe a try! (but really, please don’t)
I believe that the problem with agile is that it’s not enough like waterfall. That’s why SAFe is for me.
So glad we dropped that shit.
It doesn’t really matter what they call it. Companies that want to be waterfall (or more accurately, whose executives want waterfall style commitments) are going to be waterfall even if they call it Scrum.
I just left a SAFe company! God the system was awful!
Then again, the guy giving you that remark usually doesn’t know the difference
The person in charge trying to coordinate the whole thing, who’s asking for status updates on a daily basis and jumps down your throat if you don’t respond in a timely fashion, takes weeks to respond when asked for critical input. Also…
Leader: The world is going to end in 5 days, we need that product now!!!
Programming team delivers a functional product.
4 days later…
Programming team: did our item save the world
Leader: I haven’t gotten to it yet, I’ll take a look by EoD.
EoD? End of December? End of Death? (reference to world going to end)
Day?
An app that will save the world…and other fantasies that software developers tell themselves to feel important
We’re making the world a better place 🙏
As if, I, the programmer, will open a ticket for anything. Thats your job tester. Thats jour job PM. Im not putting this fire and I dont care if the company goes under because of it.
All programmers are goth supermodels.
They really need to update that to twinks wearing programmer socks.
Also 1 overweight guy with a beard that diea at some point and 1 nerdy guy in glasses and a Star wars T-shirt…played by Glen Powell, or Chris Pratt.
Half way into saving the World it turns out you need some data that’s not even being collected, something that nobody had figured out because nobody analysed the problem properly beforehand, and now you have to take a totally different approach because that can’t be done in time.
Also the version of a library being include by some dependency of some library you included to do something stupidly simple is different from the version of the same library being included by some dependency of a totally different library somebody else includeed to do something else that’s just as stupidly simple and neither you nor that somebody else want to be the one to rewrite their part of the code.
The sequel is when the original programmers die and a new team has to come in and figure out WTF their code is doing or even supposed to be doing.
I am currently doing this right now, pharma code team gave me a whole program and now i need to find out how everything works…
How’s it going so far?
17 bugs detected including 4 security threats, and we still don’t even know what the programming is supposed to do
Found a couple infinite loops that were causing systems to crash. Slowly coming along. Going to take a bunch of time to allow it to become operational again
HOW MANY STORY POINTS DOES IT TAKE TO SAVE THE WORLD?
WHY DID THIS 3 POINTER TAKE FIVE DAYS
YES YES, IT’S NOT TIME BUT WE ARE TRACKING IT THAT WAY BUT IT’S IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO NOT THINK OF IT THAT WAY WHEN YOU ESTIMATE BUT WHY DID YOU GO OVER THREE DAYS
Don’t look at me. I voted five. And then when the scrum master was like, “jubilationtcornpone, are you ok with it being a three?” I said “No.” But someone who thought they knew better decided it was going to be a three anyways.
I can’t give this enough upvotes.
Let’s all head to the conference room, so we can discuss the definition of a story point for an hour. I’d also like to talk about why we are behind schedule and our velocity is dipping. Let’s make it two hours.
Management where I work finally unbent and admitted that story points were time.
…but also want to continue raising velocity in each sprint.
I don’t even see why them roughly representing time is a problem due to them raising in a fibonacci sequence.
If they were a day each, it’s not like the jump from 5 to 8 means it’s going to take 3 more days, but that it’s gotten more complex and maybe it’ll still be 5 or 6 days but I can’t be sure because this one has a lot more unknowns that might not reveal themselves until I’m into it. That’s why we’re forced to go from 5 to 8 and not a 6 or 7.
The uncertainty is built right into it, so it can’t be exact time, but at the same time trying to ignore that they’re still time related is stupid.
Dont worry, they are unserious about actual results; they just care about the appearance of results that they can report up. Just start padding extra… Fucking story points…jesus… To each ticket. Now everyones charts look like their velocity increased. Dont worry, noone is actually measuring results.
That’s exactly what we ended up doing. Every story has now become one Fibonacci step higher than it would have been before.
Sounds like a good time to start padding estimates.
Click, click, clickity-click, click.
I’m in!
The most important part of developing hacking tools is to have a UI that includes text scrolling really quickly with little beep, blip, and bloop noises.
Have you seen Anti-Trust?
I was going to bring this one up. The least realistic part of Antitrust is how the antagonist is defeated, but the parts where somebody is impatiently waiting for
javacto finish so that they can pack their.classfiles into a JAR, or typing in a list of IPv4 addresses one-by-one to see which one works, were painfully plausible.
