Another (US, yes, other cultures feel free to substitute your own here) Thanksgiving. I don’t really enjoy turkey, I have food issues anyway, feasting is very conflicted.
Then, there is the enforced extended family togetherness, the clueless rightwing folks carrying on vs the suffering vegans. Everyone expected to be happy. This is almost beyond cliché, but it’s real, happens every year.
I honestly love it, even with 3 days of cooking and preparing, the chaos, the obligatory racist uncle, it’s fun somehow in a way other holidays aren’t. We do an all comers celebration, anyone who wants to show up is welcome so lots of family, family of my ex, family of my kids’ boyfriends and girlfriends, sometimes people from work or friends of my kids. It’s a satisfying hospitality effort I guess, and we have some good cooks in the family. There is a front porch, back deck, and back room for people who need quieter space, and those see use too - the point is not to push anything on anyone, only to have a good time.
Easter is the worst holiday imo
My wife and I are going to a “misfits” thanksgiving. Basically all friends that didn’t have plans otherwise, or are stopping by after their boring family plans. We have a friend that owns a restaurant, so they’re doing it there.
I don’t give a shit about thanksgiving and consider it Indigenous People’s Day (if you want to spite your conservative dummy relatives, call it this at every opportunity you get).
Indigenous peoples day is an actual holiday and the dual to Columbus Day though.
I spent a decade living 1500 miles from any family and really enjoyed not having to do the holidays. I moved back a few years ago and kept my ways of not participating. My family is a fractured mess of divorce spread over 3 hours of driving if one wanted to partake, and, I am a long time Vegan, And, I am a long time non-alcoholic
My family is cool enough, but I have no interest in celebrating genocide while watching them eat animals and get drunk. I am certainly not going to drive 3 hours in the cold and heavy traffic with jacked up gas prices, with a bunch of drunks out on the road.
I told them, pick any other day for any other reason and I would love to come hang.
im with you on this one. tragically its the easiest time to see the cousins I like, but everything else can just burn.
Thanksgiving and Christmas for me, right now. Thankfully the last year I’ll have to spend with these people, but still hurts knowing I have to put the mask back on and be someone I’m not these last two times.
Yay for another meal having to force a smile hearing about how much people genuinely hate me for something out of my control. Time to put more teeth marks in my tongue.
Fuck family gatherings on holidays. Too ritualistic and anticipated to flake out of. I don’t want to be around extended family for an entire day. I barely want to be around myself for an entire day.
I can relate to OP. If I skip the holiday, I’ll hear about it for months after, but if I go I spend the whole time counting the nanoseconds until it’s over. Unless you are willing to go NC, there are no easy answers.
I plan distractions during the day to get me out of the house. Go for a walk, find a quiet room to hide/recharge in, etc. Last TGiving, as an experiment, I went into another room to see how long it would take for someone to come looking for me. They never did and I had a nice quiet hour.
Make a plan for your mental health and work the plan.
I’m really sorry this is the experience you are having. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve had more choice in who I spend thanksgiving with and what I eat - so hopefully you get that flexibility soon. One year I went to Mexico, which was a great way to opt out of local festivities. This year we have a couple of people with celiac attending, so we are eating nontraditional food. Also, turkey is objectively gross.
Edit: Some years I host so I can get shit faced without worrying about driving (in retrospect , I am probably “that” relative) - another great way to make the holidays tolerable.
Don’t get me wrong: this is endurable, I get along with most of these people OK, individually or in smaller groups. I also don’t want to end up like my other uncle, who is far away, old and essentially alone; I am the only person who talks to him on a regular basis.
So it’s a tradeoff. You can also be amused by everyone else running away from the rightwing uncle, him chasing them around still blathering. The vegans are actually pretty cool.
Compare all this with summer holidays,. Independence Day is big here. Burgers and beer, outside, play sports with the kids, go to the parade and watch the fireworks. No passive agressive matrons checking the guest list.
same old song and dance. the holiday is boring and never changes year to year, at least in our family. YAWN!
Having to perform fake emotions was always extremely taxing and upsetting for me.
You sound like a jerkface
I feel like a jerkface.
People really gonna down vote you because they don’t realize the username you’re replying to is literally jerkface…
It’s the price you have to pay for username jones
Rude
Enforced? Where the hell are you man? Pretty sure you’re there on your own. You young or something? Can’t leave unless your parents say so???
So here’s the question, would be happier to skip the “celebration”? I put celebration in quotes because it sounds to me as if it is far from a celebration for you.
If you would be happier skipping, if your mental health would improve due to avoiding all you mention, then your responsibility to yourself is to make your excuses and not attend.
I started skipping the big “celebration” and now just make it at home. It turns out I actually do like Thanksgiving food if it’s prepared by someone who knows how to cook and actually served hot. Previously, I was used to dishes made by people who had no business making them and food served lukewarm because the amount of people that you had to get together on the same page to finally fucking eat.
I chose to host a Friendsgiving at my business this year (I own a local game shop) because I am having nothing to do with my father any longer. A number of customers turned friends are in similar situations. I am a vegetarian, and I warned everyone before hand, I am not bringing a turkey.
Fake an illness this morning. Or flat out say, “I am not coming”.
I wouldn’t even say anything unless someone bothers to ask.
