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I went to a zoo recently and it was just a dog.It was a shitzu.
When’s the best time to visit a dentist?
Any time before tooth-hurty (2:30) p.m.
What do you call an elephant that you can only access remotely? A elephant.
Stalactites hang tight to the ceiling, stalagmites build up from the ground with all their might, but when they meet in the middle? You grab your phone and ya call 'em!
… It’s called a column.
That’s a more complete mnemonic than the one I knew
When the mites come up the tights come down
Yours is still more complete than mine. My mnemonic is you might trip on stalagmites.
I didn’t invent this but I was really proud that I ‘got’ this readers digest joke from the bathroom copy when I was 10? and it’s stuck with me.
Person A is on the elevator and Person B gets on
Person A: “You look like Helen Brown”
Person B: “You don’t look so good in black either”
It’s green and goes downhill. A skiwi.
Knock knock Who’s there? Cows Cows who? No, OWLS hoo. Cows moo!
The stupidest joke I ever heard that has stuck with me for some reason:
How are Santa and a plum alike? They’re both purple, except for Santa.
Two muffins are in an oven.
One goes, “It sure is hot in here.”
The other muffin says, “Holy shit! A talking muffin!”
This is my casual go to, love freaking out as the second muffin.
“I know a great ‘knock, knock’ joke. Start it off, okay?”
Knock knock
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick
What’s brown and runny?
Usain Bolt
What’s brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr Dre.
Why does Snoop carry an umbrella?
Fo drizzle.
What’s brown and red and sticky?
Another bloody stick.
The one I told at Christmas last month.
Me: when are they going on tour?
Niece: who?
Me: The Hawks
Niece: I don’t know?
Me: you dont know about the Hawk Tua?
What do you call a line with no points?
A pointless line.
What do you call two mental patients in bed together?
Two nuts in the sack.
What do you call a Rolls-Royce without wheels?
A Royce.
