This isn’t the place to post but maybe I am wrong.
I studied humans and psychology. I made sense of things and I became capable of protecting my interest. Note that one can’t protect his interest if he is not capable of being violent like a lawyer or a cartel member.
My family members were bad humans, or at least were bad to me because I was in a weaker position. You can say all people are the same. Maybe. Maybe not. What matters is that I PROBABLY avoid human connections because my family members are my frame of reference related to humans. So I want to make some friends to change my frame of reference. Part of me doesn’t want to make friends as you must understand by now, but if I had some human connections, my qualify of life would be higher.
Honestly, part of me wants nothing to do with people. For example, I somehow ghosted kind of a new friend after we met a few times. I think I was just avoiding human connections. We both lift, travel, invest similarly. We met through a hobby. He’s a pretty good dude. I see no reason to not have him in my life (he’s a positive, supportive, nice, mentally healthy, productive normal dude) but I just quit talking. It kinda felt weird to text almost every other day for months tho. I can talk to him again and explain, but he moved away and we’d meet once every few years maybe, so I feel there’s no point.
To me, deep down, human connections only really make sense with women because I am attracted to attractive women. I don’t really need lack of friends deep down. But like I said, human connections, some good friends, would significantly increase my quality of life.
Here’s an example of how human connection works with women I find attractive. This is a dramatic example. Things got dramatic with her because we do the same hobby which require us to be physically close and she acted just too happy about me which caught me off guard. Normally, I don’t have to be that close, so I feel more relaxed, more in control and things happen more slowly. In Aug, an attractive woman acted genuinely open to everything related to me. That was the first time someone was fuck yes to me like that in person. I can’t imagine a bigger yes in terms of how one’s face and energy. At the time, I took a step backwards and probably made her feel rejected. At the time, I was feeling like I don’t want to give her false hope because she was looking at me too happily… But she’s objectively attractive and flirting a bit is not equal to marrying someone. Then some mixed signals happened, then one day I felt like she’ll always like me, and she seemed like a silly kid, then next day I left that area. Maybe I shouldn’t have but I did. I returned in Sep to clarify things with her. Clarification meant proceeding. My body was shaking. I thought body shaking meant I should leave because I was at my limit. I left but I returned next week because my purpose was to do my best to NOT AVOID. I found a way to be calm by pressing on “I am a primate” mental button. At one point, I tried to say I like you to her face and I couldn’t. I think she might have cried a bit. I couldn’t see her face because she kinda hid it. Eventually, in Oct, I made her say no to me and I left. I don’t know if she meant no. She probably didn’t mean it because she never gave me no despite me saying she can say no. I just wanted a no so I can move on and I pushed her boundary a bit to get an answer. Then after 3 months from her fuck yes, I tried to clarify things online (she hates online interaction, she prefers in person). She didn’t say anything. I could see her in person but I didn’t. I gotta be ready to go all the way if I am gonna see her again because I don’t want to torment her with my avoidance. I tried to work on my problem with other women but it’s not over yet. Also I don’t know if I want someone who wants me that much. It appears dangerous.
I don’t know why my body was shaking when I was there to clarify things with her. I am comfortable with rejection so it’s the other thing. MAYBE I have trauma and it gets triggered when I feel a strong human connection is approaching. I don’t know yet.
Similar things with happened with other women after her and before her. A girl asked me if I push away women when they get closer in 2016.
I used various excuses to avoid women ever since I was a kid. Religion, studies, “I’m not fit enough”. I realized this in therapy.
Back to topic, human connections would increase my quality of life. So I should have them. I need human connections with good humans or humans who are good to me, so I can naturally want to have human connections. Any advice?
You don’t mention if you’ve ever gone to therapy in your post. At least I didn’t see it. I suffered a lot of trauma as a child and still to this day have problems maintaining friendships/relationships because of it. It took me a long time to admit that I actually needed therapy because I could just get on with life and enjoyed solitude, but even though being on my own is something I really enjoy, the thing I need to do most is to have some of my thinking rewired. For that I need the help of a therapist I trust and I urge you to look inside yourself and find the truth of what you want. If it’s genuine human connection you want, it’s something that just comes naturally and can’t be forced. To get to those moments you might need some help with how you think about relationships. I wish you all the best though.
I studied humans
Are you an alien? Robot maybe? This whole thing reads as if you are are not human and experiencing emotions from outside of other people’s perception. We all have emotions too, we know what it’s like to be human. We don’t need a lecture on ourselves. The way you write about other people is demeaning and off putting. Referring to potential friends or girlfriends as HUMANS is weird, dude. You write so confidently about how you seem to understand yourself and your emotions, but then don’t understand you were nervous to speak to a girl about your emotions. Understand that just because you studied psychology, that doesn’t mean you can treat yourself as a psychologist would.
human connections would increase my quality of life
Other people don’t exist to increase YOUR quality of life. Friendship is not something where you wear a badge that says you are “friend-ready” and people line up to adore you. Relationships of all sort are based on mutual respect and admiration. Do the things you like and be genuinely nice, attentive, and understanding. You’ll have no problem connecting with people.
I have no problem connecting with people other than the fact that I avoid people which I wrote a whole post about.
I have no problem connecting with people other than the fact that I avoid people
Brother, if that were the case I’m not sure you’d be posting on Lemmy looking for advice on how to connect with fellow homo sapiens. You’d be out there connecting with people. So there’s the answer: Get out there and connect with people. You’ll figure out who is worth your time and who isn’t.