On December 24th, 2008 I was almost 21 and drinking wine at my Grandma’s house with my family. We were having a good time. I don’t really talk to that side of the family anymore though. I got a phone call from my best friend, Kyle. I joking let my uncle answer. Kyle asked to talk to me. He sounded angry.

The next few words he said were like a a fucking nuclear bomb that seared my fucking brain for life. He said, “NineMileTower, Steve died (in Iraq). A bridge gave out, his hummer flipped, and he drowned.”

That was in 2008. I’m 37 now. I have two beautiful girls and an amazing wife. I think of Steve all the time. I ask myself, “Why do I deserve these amazing kids, wife and life, and he had to die?”

I fucking hate Christmas. I hate the stupid music. I hate fake bullshit decorations. I hate that I’m supposed to pretend that every Christmas it doesn’t fucking kill me that he isn’t here. I’m here enjoying my kids and their holiday and he’s dead.

I fucking hate Christmas.

  • chonglibloodsport@lemmy.worldEnglish
    0·
    5 days ago

    I have definitely regretted talking openly about my feelings with a partner. It damaged the relationship because she was frustrated and not very understanding.

    • Limfjorden@feddit.dkEnglish
      0·
      5 days ago

      I don’ thind it matters who you talk to. I think that if noone in your life wants to listen or talk about how you feel, then you should get some new people in your life who will.

      • chonglibloodsport@lemmy.worldEnglish
        0·
        5 days ago

        I’ve spent many hours on the therapist’s couch and in group therapy. They’ve taught me mindfulness strategies that work on processing how I feel. This has made life dramatically simpler for me. The hard part in life for me now is just the one that’s always been hard: food, rent, bills. As for all other feelings? I know what I want and what to do about it. I’m very much at peace.

    • modeler@lemmy.worldEnglish
      0·
      5 days ago

      If your partner doesn’t properly value your feelings and doesn’t support you in your vulnerable moments, that is a bad sign for the relationship.

      • GBU_28@lemm.eeEnglish
        0·
        5 days ago

        The point is many women are also impacted by toxic masculinity and will not positively receive their guy opening up / crying.

        It’s not just a “be yourself dude” dynamic for many, many men.

        For better or worse everyone in their orbit expects a certain behavior