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Butterfly the breast to halve its thickness. Slice it into strips about 1 inch wide lengthwise. You should get as many as 8 long strips per breast

Make a marinade of 2 parts buttermilk to one part pickle juice from a jar of dill pickles. Feel free to add a few shakes of chili, paprika and garlic powder. Marinate the breasts like 2 hours, or overnight.

For the dredge you can use any of plain flour, cornmeal, breadcrumbs (plain!), crushed up cornflake cereal, crushed up rice flake cereal. 2-3 cups. Add salt, black pepper, chili, paprika, garlic powder and a small handful of Parmesan cheese from the green can. Some oregano flakes wouldn’t kill you either. Dump it all into a big bowl or a tray, and combine with a fork or whisk.

Get a heavy pot and a quart or two of neutral oil: vegetable, peanut, corn or avocado. Don’t use olive oil. Add it to the pit and gently raise heat. Use a thermometer, and get it to about 365°F.

Lay out a clean tray with a rack. Take individual pieces of chicken from the marinade, shake off excess, and cover it in the dredge mix. Move it to the rack to “tack up” for a few minutes. If it seems too wet, dredge it again.

When you have all the tenders dredged, take about 6 of them and lay them gently into the oil away from you so you don’t splash yourself with hot oil. Fry them 5 minutes or so til the crust sets up light brown and crispy. Gently move them back to the rack. Let the oil come back up to 365 and repeat for the remaining pieces. If the oil doesnt completely cover the pieces splash hot oil over with a spoon (“baste”), or gently turn with tongs

When all the chicken is fried, raise the heat up to 385. Carefully return all of the chicken pieces to the fryer for 2-3 minutes until golden brown. Remove pieces to a paper towel lined plate and shake a little salt over top to taste.

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Senorita Chicharrónes rolls across the tongue better.

I’ve seen more instances of “you’re right, I’m being a dumbass” than I was prepared to.

The Old Place put a patina of grime on my soul. People are alright here.