The trick is to put half in one end, and the rest in the other.

I guess the theory checks out. I’d probably be “retired” by the end of the day.

🤫 It’s not as funny when it makes sense.

How exactly does “Retired” dress?

To be fair, he looks much better in the Midwest overcast.

I have a kid learning from a screen at home this very moment, and my groceries will be on the porch when I get home.

This one is actually pretty accurate!

Yeah what the Smurf you going to do about it?

Now where’s my sandwich?

He sure packs a PUNch!

This guy has a face that looks like it’ll turn into something else if you flip it upside down.

Aktually… Without a throat, there’s no way that skeleton could GULP! ☝️🤓

You and me both, lady.

I figured I probably wasn’t the first to think of it. Thanks for sharing!

That’s just his dog’s name.

And I’ll really embrace being a drunk asshole

Where I live will never be a bomb target. So, I’ll still be here. But you’re right. I’m VERY outnumbered.

It’s possible, but once we get involved in the war, we’ll have the means of travel AND the guns, and of course, our insatiable desire to conquer.

They’re better off leaving us alone.

I see a duck, and I see a cop.

Neither of those things qualify as human.

Ok, how about…

The first submarines didn’t have a periscope. They just had a porthole in the front so you could see if you were going to hit anything. It was called the collide-o-scope.