This might be a regional difference, but when I say it out loud, ‘tryna not kill myself’ is by far the more natural construction. But I agree that in writing, ‘trying not to kill myself’ feels more natural, while ‘trying to not kill myself’ feels stilted and intentionally awkward. Man I love language.
Eh, it might be a regional thing, but I agree with OP. ‘I apologize’ feels kinda snarky. But then again, as a Canadian, saying sorry is kinda one of our national pastimes.