I have both tshirts, my trustworthiness also happens to fluctuate wildly based on my apparel.

“Yeah girl, my bathroom lights come on automatically when you walk in. I’ve even set them to 30% brightness… After bedtime.”

If only my wife truly appreciated me lol

They know very well what they’re doing.

The water wars started years ago and if you’re not Nestle you’re already losing.

The fuck did DQ ever do to you?

Cybertruck prototype testing.

They’re getting used to the taste for when the only thing that’s safe to eat is boiled shoe leather because the FDA and the USDA have been completely eliminated.

Look, if they get just a little more conservative they’ll win over moderate Republicans.

Once we have them, we’ll be able to do all those really great things like deregulating banks, dismantling the EPA, and illegalizing abortion once and for all.

“Nice try… FBI”

Travel agent saved my ass about 10 years ago when my connecting flight was delayed in air while I was on it. Completely missed the final leg of my journey because of a storm. Middle of the night and she helped me switch everything over and rent a car to drive the rest of the way and even got me upgraded to a more fun one. This was when I was going to a job interview and flying in the night before.

Just pull the trigger, we both know how this ends.