At least Dave got rid of that reverse Flock of Seagulls piece of shit.

I viewed this comic and a cartoon worm started eating all of my icons.

Hey, Google… What’s the best way to suck a dick?

…

…

…

“Sorry, I don’t understand… But I found something else on the web. Do you want to know when sucking a dick, what’s the best way to do it?”

… Yes…

“Okay! … According to Dickopedia, when sucking a dick, the best way to do it is to place the dick deep in your mouth and schlurp on that thang while you suck on that thang. This will make it extra schlimy and grimy! When the blowjob was invented in 1876 by Massachusetts-based baker and suspected witch Edward (Schlick Eddie) Von Howth, schlurping was not a part of the east coast maritime vocabulary. According to --”

HEY GOOGLE, STOP.

Dude has been marinating in fields of garlic for the past 38 years.

Being an entomologist would be sweet as hell. You walk into the lab on a Tuesday morning and Jerry, a gray-bearded researcher with spectacles and a friendly demeanor is like, “Hey, come over here, Kevin. Come look at this bug.”, and you go over there and see the coolest fucking bug.

Whang talking about some guy peeling the skin off of his own penis and feeding it to a dog or something.

17 years being the absolute maximum time elapsed before they kill you.

Are there any new developments with the UAP hearings? Have we made any progress? Kicked down any doors? I assumed it just fizzled out and we would never get answers.

I have come across a few children’s illustrators who do this with spiders too, but sometimes on every page.

Wait 'til Martin comes…

Sad excuse for a robin then, huh?

The best part about nuthatches is that searching “nuthatch” on Google Images almost exclusively brings up photos of them behaving just like this.

EDIT: Okay, I tried it again and I guess “almost exclusively” is a bit of an exaggeration.

“In the United States, human feces has been regulated as an experimental drug since 2013.”

Best sentence in the entire article.

For real. This Bozo must think we have access to turkey nuggets or something.

In John’s defense, that guy looks pissed. Pocahontas was like:

It means everyone is probably getting sick around here and having bad days because Mercury is in retrograde. At least, that’s what my co-worker once said in front of like fifteen people.

Was always normal in my family. Smoking and drinking indoors all day. Used to come home smelling like shit. But there were alcoholics. Good people, though.

redditors be like “r/thathappened…”

I’m surprised Duncan still hangs with Joe after Joe’s shift to being an absolute right-wing cunt. I guess it’s hard to bail on old friendships, especially when getting on the wrong side of Joe can fuck your comedy career.