Hey have you heard of Jatz?

When i saw that i was just hoping so hard that Jatz becomes slang for ass to mouth sex or something.

Fat people can now get money for disability

My dad thinks i’m crazy because i walk or bike to my sister’s or his place, which is like 40min by foot. Yeah man, if i were as fat as you that would be crazy

I just sit in my lifted truck, spend 40 dollars on gas, sit in traffic for 2 hours, shoot at some suspicious looking brown people and then get my chips.

All that money and the only thing he could do is fix his hair, because that took no effort.

Just go faster. I don’t get it.

Horses just measure the power, they don’t produce it. Read a book

Because it’s unfunny? Seriously the idea is okay but why would he call it weird alien sex? So even the last person gets it? Does he think aliens call themselves aliens?

Like Dr. Pepper?

I never cared for team sports at all. I rather went to concerts and stuff like that. A friend told me that you have to see it live, it’s so much better. So he took me to a soccerball match. I thought: this is kind of cool, kinda like a festival, people buy merchandise and scatter around, random way too drunk people, all that jazz. Then the game started nd they introduced the players one by one. The home team, so “our” team was first. The fans yelled their names. Then the other team, Ireland was next. The commentators said their first name and the whole stadium yelled “hurensohn” (son of a bitch). I was like: okay, cringe, but everyone around me padded themselves on the back because how funny it was. It never got better, the game was boring as fuck and the fans were obnoxious as hell, calling every other player gay or a faggot or whatever weirdo thing. I had to separate from the group and just wandered around. I met some irish guys and they were super cool, so i just hung out with them on their side for the rest of the game. It was better, but still boring and a super cringefest.

A few years later i won tickets to the spengler cup, and i didn’t want to go at first, because of my soccerball experience, but fuck it, it was free and i could just leave. Despite not really liking or understanding the sport, it was waaaaaay waaaay better. People were nicer, more respectful abd i had an overall good time.

I just had a absolute flashback to 30 years ago when everyone said Mitsubishis are the best extasy. Was that a worldwide thing? Why did so many people pressed them into mitsubishi forms?

Isn’t it just as cheap when you just download it on black friday?

These dumbasses thinks this works on us smart people. Anyway, gotta go fight some people on black friday for shit i don’t even need nor afford

That would really suck if he would escalate the war.

Sometimes you just need to huck a Molotov cocktail at a drone and see what happens

I see pictures of people on tinder that are so smooth and unreal it’s fucking creepy. Like to a point where the nose disappears and the eyes are in front of the hair, because they are not real. And i know this is often a social media thing and a body dysmorphophobia problem, but i also wonder who looks at these pictures and goes: ahh yes, the perfect women

I never judge people who got scammed or tricked or whatever. It happens. But getting scammed by one of the dumbest people on the planet is almost an achievement. I’m not even hyperbolic here, i have not seen a person making so much mouth noises and saying so little at the same time. That guy tricked you? Not even a smart and charming guy? Pathetic.

People always wonder why Vince McMahon get away with all his shit. And i did too, because i kept up with his monstrosities for quite some time. But even watching his netflix documentary, and knowing what an absolute monster he is, i just could not help but finding him weirdly charming. I don’t know what level of charisma he’s blessed with but it’s almost creepy. Donald has absolutely non of that.

Before trump was president i always thought president of the US is kinda like being the king of the Netherlands. More like a symbol that has to decide on some things and talks to people. Learning that they can actually just do whatever they want and americans just shrug is kinda fucking insane and terrifying for all the sane people on this planet.

Okay-ish